2006 Posts

So I'm moving everything from my old blogs here to keep it in one place. Now everyone can find Zephyr at one convient location.

Nov. 16th, 2006 at 5:45 AM
My high school is a small high school in a small town. It's grades seven to twelve, about two hundred students every year. Most of the kids aren't too bad. Sure, there are some cliques, and kids who fall into the juvenile delinguent category, but we haven't had anything really horrible happen at our school. No one has died tragically, or destroyed something huge.Now is a different story. A small group of kids, aged 12-15, male and female, are planning to do something in our school. These kids already intimidate much of the rest of the school, and they are in grade 7, 8, and 9. They have even elected a chief. All of this group (I cringe to use the word "gang") have criminal records already, and one has been expelled for beating up a Caucasian girl they have been intimidating since the school year began. A few of us know about and have heard what they are planning. They want to have a school shooting. My sister is in the same class as these kids. My locker - all of the grade 12 lockers- is in the same hallway and near some of these kids lockers. We are scared to go to school now. What if they actually shoot someone? What if they kill one of my classmates? My sister? My best friends? Me? And I have no doubt in my mind that they would. This would be the icing on the cake. I am a strong person. I can put up with a lot of stuff and hold the world on my shoulders, if I have too. But if a school shooting does happen, I am faced with the blunt reality of my or someone I know's death.Those of us who know don't know what to do. Should we tell the principal? What would happen? Would they be expelled, or would this just push them to actually do it, sooner than originally planned? Maybe they aren't really serious, and this is just a fear tactic. Would intervening actually cause the event to happen? Even if they are expelled, would they come back to the school and do it just to get revenge on those who informed the teachers of their plans?I have never been afraid to go to school. I have been afraid to go to certain places because I know that random bad things have happened to people there, but in my entire seventeen years have I been afraid to go to school. Never have I been afraid to do something. The other girls in my class, the grade twelves who rule the school, are afraid to come to class. Some of these girls know they can't afford to miss any classes if they want to graduate, yet they would rather fail than come to school knowing what these kids are planning to do.Ever since I was told what these kids are planning to do, I can't get Montreal or Columbine out of my head. We have a lot of major school activities coming up. Anyone of these could be a target for this group. I run half these events. What do you do when your afraid to go to school because you fear for your life? It's a scary scenario and I'm glad it's blown over. Hopefully.

Nov. 16th, 2006 at 5:49 AM
Life sucks sometimes. It's a fact. I know it. Hell, I know it. You spend years being alone, a year and a half that you know you definately have no friends, you go through times when you feel your own family thinks your invisible, well, then you know life sucks. But the fact that life sucks is a fact of life. There is nothing new about that fact. You can be sure that life isn't going to be fair, that it is going to suck. But most of the time there is somebody who is there for you, even if you don't know it. And there are some people, like me, who have a bit of a Messiah complex. No, we can't save the world, but we can change it. There's something about going through life always being the centre of the attention, the popular ones. Then there are the ones that look fine and functional, but inside they feel horrible. Some people think that their worth is designated by who they hang out with, and if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I may sound like a hypocrite when I say this, but having a boyfriend or girlfriend isn't everything. Sure it is great if you find a person who will be there, someone who will love you and support you. Someone you can tell everything too, want to do everything with. But, truth be told, you can survive without them. Friends are a great aspect of life and if you have good ones, they will be there for you no matter what, thick or thin. They will love you and support you unconditionally. And the only way a boyfriend or girlfriend can do that is if they are first a great friend. I'm lucky. I have a boyfriend who is first and foremost a friend that I can count on no matter what. I beleive even if we weren't dating we would still be good friends because we have similiar life experiences. I love all my friends a lot. I would do anything for them. When they feel like crap I will talk to them, listen to them, and be there. I want to make them feel that they have someone there for them, even when someone they like has rejected them for someone else. Life is stupid that way, but you can't always win. Our society is shallow, and it will always be the dumber, partiers who get the ones they want. The guys always want the girls who spend a lot of time on their appearance (hair, make-up, boobs, the whole works) and are willing to go far, and the girls always want the pretty boy jocks or dark handsome muscicians who flatter them and spend money on them. Frankly, I beleive they deserve each other. Not that I'm not guilty of liking the pretty boys or jocks, but I never got them. They never looked twice at me unless they wanted help with their homework. I was the geeky girl with acne, glasses, skinny with no boobs. Who would want to go out with me? It wasn't until I grew up, grew out my blonde hair, got contacts, a shape, and my acne cleared up that any guy looked twice at me. I made the mistake of being with somebody just because they wanted me for my looks. Bad idea. They used me and dumped me. One just wanted me for status and never did a thing with me. Yeah, life sucks. But, luckily I put up with enough bullshit that I got lucky. I know I met a guy who saw the beauty underneath because the first couple times I met him, I looked like crap. Complete with glasses, frizzy hair, and a few honkin pimples. I got lucky. But not everyone does at fifteen and three quarters.Some great people, the ones on the border, end up right where they were a few years back because everyone thinks its cool to pick on them. They don't get lucky and meet someone who becomes their friend and loves them for who they are underneath, the person who sees through everything. Teenagers in particular suck. Yeah, chickens have pecking order, but human beings are more fierce. I worked hard and am still working hard to get the hell out of the pecking order. Nobody feels either way about me, I like to beleive anyway. Someone in standing out so friggin much I fit in. Don't ask me how. This works for some other really awesome people, but then sometimes teenagers, people they beleived are their friends, turn on them again and toss them to the bottom of the pecking order. That feels like crap. It feels horrible to be invisible, but even worse to be picked on.What sucks even more in life is when all of your friends have boyfriends and girlfriends and you are left on your own, feeling like an extra wheel on a vehicle, a chaperon, birth control, used. But you don't say anything because you love your friends and you want them to be happy. What do you do when your best friend since birth seems to pick her boyfriend, who she's hasn't even known for two years, over you. It really sucks to be that best friend. She's stuck in a situation she really doesn't want to be stuck in. Her best friend since birth is going through a really tough time in his life, and everytime that's happened before, from the times they knew they were alone together, she's been there for him. They are closer than family, Closer than siblings. But she got blindsided by first love, a love that shaked her very existance from a person she didn't know could even be. But she has her best friend to thank for that love. She will never be able to repay him, ever. If she owed him in money terms, it would be well over a billion dollars. But what does she do when they both need her? Both feel jealous and feel that she's picking one over the other. The boyfriend feels he can't compete with someone she's been friends with since birth and shared everything in life with. The best friend feels he can't compete with the boyfriend, who she loves in a way that's special. Other than her dad and grandfather, these are the most important men in her life. Because of this jealousy, the feelings that one can't compete with the other, she feels like she has to choose. Boyfriend or best friend since birth? Boy whose always been there for her, or boy that loves and knows her the way she can't even comprehend. She can't cut either from her life and so she feels like its a balancing act. She feels like she uses both of them to get information about the other.They all know life sucks. One looks like he fits in but really he feels so different, outcast. The other wants to fit in, blend in, but he's treated like he's different. She's been in both of their shoes and wants to be there for both of them. Sometimes she wants to wring both of their necks because if they weren't such guys they could seriously help each other because to her they seem incredibly similiar. Maybe that's why she loves them both to death. That's why if it came down to a choice, she'd choose a cat and leave the boys together. Maybe her best friend would feel better if he had the special girfriend he so desperately wants.But somehow everyone can't see the real him. His best friend wishes right now he could find that special girl that can see the part of him that his soul-sister sees. Okay, life sucks, but you get through it. You do you do. You just have to know that their is someone there for you, exprecially a best friend since birth. Hell, I'll help anyone out in a tough time because I've been there, done that and I know how it feels. My friends know (I hope) that they can call me at anytime to talk and I will listen. I just apologize if it is busy. I live in a big household, and someone may be on the Internet, or I may be on the phone with someone else who needs to talk to me.Yeah, life sucks. But there's always a light somewhere, something good.Go ahead as you waste your days with thinkingWhen you fall everyone sinsAnother day and you've have your fill of sinkingWith the life held in yourHands are shaking coldThese hands are meant to holdSpeak to meWhen all you've got to keep is strongMove along, move along like I know you doAnd even when your hope is goneMove along, move along just to make it throughMove alongSo a day when you've lost yourself completelyCould be a night when your life endsSuch a heart that will lead you to deceivingAll the pain held in yourHands are shaking coldYour hands are mine to holdSpeak to meWhen all you've got to keep is strongMove along, move along like I know you doAnd even when your hope is goneMove along, move along just to make it throughMove alongWhen everything is wrong we move alongMove along move along When all you've got to keep is strongMove along, move along like I know you doAnd even when your hope is goneMove along, move along just to make it throughMove along-Move Along, the All American RejectsI love you all. I can't choose because there is no choice. I love you both. I want happiness in both your lives and I wish you could see how much you both deserve what you want.

Nov. 16th, 2006 at 10:11 PM
I'm confuzzled to say the least. Really I am. Maybe I'm just weird. Then again, I do know how one day can change something extremely. Oi. Girls are weird creatures. Though they should know not to flirt with other girls' boyfriends cuz that's a bad thing. Especially if one of those girls happens to be really tough and rather possesive of her boyfriend. Then she does a 180 and asks the broken-hearted one over. A ploy to get at his friends? Or does she finally return his feelings? For his sake I hope so. Really, I do. Nothing is worse that unrequited love. Trust me, I know. I've been through it a few times. Luckily, nobody returned the feelings so I ended up with the right person when it was finally returned. Yeah for destiny or fate or whatever. I do beleive in a higher power, so I wonder about their ideas sometimes. Like, really. It must be fun to screw around with the hearts of poor mortals. Oh well. I'm not feeling up to contemplating the areas of the universe at this moment.Quotes about Love and Human Nature"A wonderfuil fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is consituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other" Charles Dickens"It is impossible to love and be wise" Francis Bacon"To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallable god." Jorge Luis Borges"If we judge love by its usual effects, it resembles hatred more than friendship." La Rochefoucauld"There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved" George Sand"The course of true love never did run smooth" Shakespeare"All's fair in love and war" Francis Edward Smedley"The great question that has never been answered and which I havenot yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a women want?"" Sigmund Freud"Women would rather be right than reasonable" Ogden NashStill confuzzled here boys. No one ever tells me anything useful.

Nov. 22nd, 2006 at 12:00 AM
So, my bestest friend may be getting himself a girlfriend. YAY!! Bout time some girl recognized what should be evident in him. Yeah.Oh, I am so busy.I should be in bed.My to-do list (the extremely long complete one) will go up here for public enjoyment and comments of "Are you crazy?" to which the answer is yes.

Nov. 29th, 2006 at 12:35 AM
I wrote this with grad and all that in mind:What's it gonna be likeWhen my world turns upside downWhat't it gonne be likeWhen things get turned aroundWhat's it gonna be likeWhen the stars have their wayWhat's it gonna be likeWhen we all go away?Takes us eighteen years to get hereThe trials of life aboundLearn to walk, learn to speakLearning to beThere's a hand to holdSomeone there to guide usA heart, a homeA place to goBut soon we've got to reach outWhat's it gonna be likeWhen our worlds gets changed aroundWhat's it gonna be likeWhen our life goes upside downWhat's it gonna be likeWhen we all grow upWhat's it gonna be likeWhen we remember nowEighteen years, school and lifeWe learned from everywhereA guiding hand to shape our eyesWe became ourselves nowWhen we go out to shape a futureThose hands will still be thereWhen we fall downWe'll get back upThey taught us toNow we're jumping offTaking flight, growing up so fastNow we're here at the endAnd it's just the beginningWhat's it gonna be likeTo look back to todayWhat's it gonna be likeNow that we've learned to stand our wayWhat's it gonna be likeNow we're setting on our ownWhat's it gonna be likeWhen we make another home

Nov. 29th, 2006 at 12:37 AM
Here's the deal. You learn a lot. I've finally figured out that my life is my own life and I don't need my parents approval. They are human beings just like me, and have their own life. They are entitled to their own choices and opinions just like I am. So I am not going to feel guilty about choices I make for my own happiness anymore. As of last night I have figured out that my life is my life. The choices are mine and if I don/t live my life the way I want to, I will regret it my whole life. I choose to be with who I choose to be with. I choose to be as serious about him as I want to. I know I may be missing something by not being single and open to dating other guys, but I don't care. I found someone, at fifteen, that I believe could be the man I marry. You never know. What is meant to be is meant to be. I know once I graduate and move to the city I will meet so many new and different people. I know there will be a nine month gap where I probably won't see him a lot. Coming after his graduation might be the most interesting time of my life. I will meet lots of new and interesting people, but it will be hard pressed to find someone like the one I'm dating right now. He is different. He is different from so many guys I know well. He is different from girls I know. He is an incredibly unique personality in this world, and it seems to be the one that completely balances out my own while still having a lot in common. And if I find someone who is just like that who I happen to be more attracted to than him, so be it. What will be will be. But right now I love who I love. And we are serious about each other. We can't help it. It is what has happened. No one can talk and know what we know about each other without being incredibly close. He and I know more about each other in a year than what some people know about each other in a lifetime. Staying with him is my choice. And I want to know him for the rest of my life. Because I truely believe that if I didn't end up dating him, I probably would have become great friends with him. We're kindred spirits. He's a lot like my soul sister and soul brother. In different meaning of the term you might call him my soul mate because I don't think of him as a brother or sister like I do the rest of my soul family. Yes, I think of them as my soul family. We aren't related by blood, but our souls are close like family. Thus the term soul brother and soul sister. It has nothing to do with music here people.My life is my own. My decisions, my choices. I'm realizing that. Even though what I do may affect someone else and I have to take that into consideration, but in the end I have to live with everything, every little thing, I do. No one else but me. So where I live, what my career choice is, what I wear, my actions are all my choices, my thoughts. I don't really care what other people think about me. I may be cynical, sarcastic, and a little bitter at times, but I'm also optimistic. I am realistic. I know anything can happen. Life throws curves at you and you deal. You make choices your own way. I'm not going to let people make the important decisions for me anymore. I'm taking life by the horns and living my life now. I understand growing up a little more now. And I think throughout their entire lives, some people never realize this. I don't think I'm going to be as bitter or cynical about life now. I'm still gonna be sarcastic and a little cynical because my mother is right, I am a little too much like her. But at the same time I'm really different. I'm my own person. She doesn't get to see all of me. No one does, and I think it is partly because I don't let them. How can I though? I'm so multi-faceted.Like they say, I'm a little tweaked. I think it's a good thing. Makes me different so I can see things differently than other people do.

Nov. 29th, 2006 at 12:39 AM
Dear You,You have so much to strive for. You are smart, intelligent. You are talented. You have to belive in yourself. You shouldn't hide those lovely blue eyes. That shade is hard to come by, and so are people like you. It's hard in the world if you are different from the masses, but once you strive and go forth from the little place of beginings, people are drawn to you. If your shy, then adjust in your own way. But don't push people away. Believe in yourself. Self-esteem is important, take it from someone who had none for a while.Be yourself. Grow up and be who you want to be. Do what you want to do. Your choices are yours, and never do something you are going to regret. Lots of people love you. You have to look for it in the subtlties, especially that of your true friends. I am one of those people who will always love you. Your strengths are there. Never doubt that. You've just got to wait and see how things turn out. You're going to make it big. I will help you, as a friend, as sister, as a lover.Love, Me

Nov. 29th, 2006 at 11:09 PM
So, ladies and gentlemen. Here's a predicament. What do you do when you feel you have no hopes and dreams, no asperations and goals? Everyone has them, right? What do you do if they have all be squashed out of you? Where do you go if yoe feel you have one thing to live for? I'd hate to be a farmboy stuck in the middle of nowhereStuck in a town where you are uniqueStuck in a family you feel you cannot connect withFeeling like your never going to escape that farm or townFeeling like there is nothing you can doI'd hate to have everyone squishing my growthMy parents keeping me downI'd hate to have my place defined for meMy decisions made for meMy life controlled by someone elseI'm a freedom fighter, what can I say? I think everyone should have that fire in their soul, passions, dreams, goals, asperations. Everyone should be able to make their own choices, and have a choice. As long as they are moral and within the law, but that's another topic. I've got my own dreams, my goals. I'm going to go out on my own, work my own way through university through law school, have a family, make a difference in the world (Who knows, I might be PM one day), grow old, play with my grandkids, play cards with my husband when we retire, and learn how to knit. Dream big, aim big. Every small thing counts.Hard work pays off. But there's always gotta be the motivation. the passion. P>S> I got into a smart person's society at a univserity. Yay! I'm part of a society. See? Hard work pays off.I'm off to apply to university now.

Dec. 10th, 2006 at 9:52 PM
Think of the odds that two people out of the five billion people meet. Now add in the odds that they are both chemically and biologically attracted to each other. Now add in the odds that they are each compatable with the other's personality. Mulitply the odds that they stay together more than a few months and don't go after someone else. You've got some very odd and frightening odds. Worse than winning the lottery. Now think of how many people you meet who are truly and honestly in love in every aspect of the word. From the old couple who have been together for over fifty years to the high school sweethearts that seemed to be permanently attached to each other, and every one in between. Those lucky ones have beat the daunghting odds and found a real love. Not the TV or movie kind of love. Not just romantic, passionate, or intimate love. Not infatuation. Real love that combines everything. The kind of love that makes you protective, makes you miss them when they leave the room, makes every moment with them special, even if it is a passing glance. A love that combines friendship and sexual attraction. A love that makes them closer than anything. A love that uncontrollably intertwines two lives forever into one. Two worlds into one. A love like rain, to be cliche. Love that is real. Love in the eyes and soul.It doesn't matter if those two people are male and female, male and male, or female and female. They beat the odds and found something incredibly rare. Even more rare tham winning the lottery. Sure, they say it happens every day. But if it only happens to two people everyday, and there are only 365 days in a year, when there are five billion people on this earth, those are still very crappy odds.So when you see someone in love like that, if you know someone in love like that, don't sniff at it or be jealous of them. Be happy that they beat the odds, and hope that you pick the right numbers soon so you can experience winning one of the best lotteries in life.